Kiss and Control
by WhereStarsComeFrom
Summary: The night after Jake parks Bella's motorcylce at Charlie's house, Edward and Bella contemplate her perhaps future transformation and their relationship, experimenting.... EPOV.  Oneshot.


A/N: This song ('Kiss and Control') really says a lot about Edward and Bella. It was SO hard to pick just one song off DECEMBERUNDERGROUND for this fic… all of them relate to Twilight and New Moon is some way. If you've heard the music for this song, it's even better. Oh yes, and this is EPOV the whole story. This takes place the night after Jake parks Bella's motorcycle outside Charlie's house. Oneshot.

Disclaimer: The song 'Kiss and Control' belongs to AFI and the rest belongs to Stephenie Meyer. But I own the general story in this fic.

_- - - - -_

_Watch the stars turn you to nothing._

_Now blush and smile as they whisk you away._

I held her in my arms, safe from the moon's light in the shadows. It had been a rough day: Charlie had nearly disowned her, not to mention his thoughts for me. "Oh Edward," she sighed. I pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head. I could feel her cheeks burn red, which made me hug her closer. We were sitting out in her yard, for she was in too rebellious a mood to stay in her room.

_Part your lips a bit more,_

_I'll swallow your fear._

_I will show you how all the bite marks impress a need to be here,_

_A need to see…_

I brushed my finger against her hot cheek, and was surprised to find a tear. "Bella, what's wrong?" I asked worriedly.

She buried her face into my chest. When she spoke, my shirt muffled her voice; "Everything is so complicated,"

I knew it would make her upset if I apologized for complicating her life, so I kissed her. I felt her relaxing some in my arms, but that just made me kiss her more urgently. A shudder of pleasure ran through me as she ran her fingers through my hair. Gently placing my hands on her waist, we lay down on the grass. My desire for her was too strong as we moved closer to one another. It took all my self-control to make our lips part. Bella snuggled against me, breathless. I also found myself catching my breath. "I'm sorry,"

"Don't be. When I'm changed we could do this all the time,"

"Bella," I said in a scolding tone, although I had probably enjoyed the kiss more that she realized.

_City lights, like rain,_

_Dance and explode,_

_Fall upon debutants_

_Reeling from, nights that_

_Kiss and control_

_All of our broken hearts_

"I will always love you, Edward Anthony Masen Cullen," she said, her warm fingers running up and down my arms.

"And I will love you for eternity, Isabella Marie Swan," It felt good to know that she loved me. I'm sure she would go into a fit if she knew just how reassuring her words were. She moved even closed to me and I held her tight. As her warmth radiated through me, I felt all the wounds of our time apart healing. She loved me, and I loved her.

Bella's proximity was usually something I would control, but not tonight. Tonight I didn't want to follow the rules; Bella's rebellious mood was infectious. I could feel her heart beating- we were that close. She was so beautiful… I could feel my self-control was coming to an end. That kiss had made me even lustier than I already was.

_Velvet burns_

_The wrists while restraining._

_You blushed and you smiled_

_And said you would stay_

"Bella," I whispered, although I had nothing to say. It was more so just to say her name.

"Yes?"

"I… well… I…" That was the end of me. I pressed my lips to hers again. Wrapping my arms around her, I held her close. She caressed my face and shoulders, slowly moving her hands down my arms. We rolled in the grass, still kissing, so she was now on top of me. She was so lovely it almost hurt. "Be with me always," she whispered.

I nodded and smiled at her red cheeks. We moved into a sitting position, our hands intertwined. "What happened to all your rules?" she asked playfully, running her free hand through my hair.

I inhaled sharply, intoxicated by her.

_One more time steal my breath,_

_I'll feed you the sky._

_I will show you how._

_Steal the glamour from death_

_And before you die…_

Bella smiled. "Kiss me again," she asked, and I was more than obliged to do so.

As our lips touched, there was something I wanted to try. Slowly, I opened my mouth. Before I knew it, we were French kissing. I was careful to keep her tongue well away from my teeth. The experience was… I can't possibly describe it. And whenever she touched me, I couldn't help growling with pleasure. She would be the end of my dignity yet.

Both of us collapsed on the grass, breathless. Bella's cheeks were bright red, but she was smiling all the same. "I want to be with you forever," she whispered, and for a moment, I was too seduced by her voice to realize what she had said.

"You're so eager to loose your soul, Bella. It's not as fantastic as you imagine it,"

"But then we could be together, forever,"

"Do you honestly want to die before you have to?"

She thought for a moment and replied, "Yes, I do. And it's my decision."

_Then you should see…_

_City lights, like rain,_

_Dance and explode,_

_Fall upon debutants_

_Reeling like nights that_

_Kiss and control_

_All of our broken hearts_

"It's hard," I said softly, "To be immortal. Everything changes around you while you're just stuck, unmoving. So… isolated from the cycle of life…" My voice became small. "It's hard, Bella, to leave everything behind… to watch the world go on without you… to have everything familiar be swept away with time."

We were silent for a moment. "But you have your family," she pointed out, "They don't change with the rest of the world,"

"My family _now_ doesn't change," I corrected her, "My real family died long ago. Think of Charlie and Renee,"

She said nothing.

"_We all want to die like movie stars,"_

_You said as you jumped from the height of the cutting room floor_

_While above us, glowing, exploding, our dreams burst forth in light and death._

_Hold me and tell me "We'll burn like stars. We'll burn as we fall._

_Watch as city lights dance for us."_

"Think about it Edward," my Bella said softly, "We'll be together forever- for eternity. We would never have to worry about restrictions, or not being together… I'm not worried about the physical pain. It'll be… so hard…. t-to leave Charlie and Renee behind, and Jake…" I thought she was going to break down for a moment until she continued, "But I want to, I mean, I want to be with you forever. That's my dream. Renee and Charlie want me to be happy, and I know becoming a vampire isn't what they had in mind, but… but… I love you."

I contemplated her words for a couple minutes. She really wanted this, but how could I allow her to lose her soul… for me? Was I really worth it?

_City lights, like rain,_

_Dance and explode,_

_Fall upon the pain of our lives_

_Reeling from nights that_

_Kiss and control_

_Fall apart, the pain of our lives, has pain._

Sighing, I wrapped my arms around Bella. "Getting tired yet?" I asked. It was a Friday so I wasn't worried about getting her up for school tomorrow.

"No, just stay with me," I could hear in her voice that she _was_ tired. Still, I picked her up bridal style and carried her to the spot under her window. Moving her onto my back, I easily leapt up into her room. Charlie was still sleeping, always a good sign. Carrying my angel to her bed, I pulled her blankets over her. "You must be chilled," I thought out loud, feeling guilty.

"I don't mind," she mumbled. "Edward," Bella pulled me close to her. Sitting on top of her bedcovers, I looked down on the woman who had caused me so much pain and happiness, and I smiled. _Bella, Bella…_ I started to hum her lullaby.

Dance and explode 

The moon's soft light made a silver pool in her room, and it illuminated her tranquil face. I experimentally moved my hand into the moonlight. As I had predicted, it sparkled.

City lights, like rain 

Not unusual for Forks, a drizzle started outside. The raindrops acted as prisms and the moonlight danced on the bedroom floor. Bella had drifted off to sleep.

City lights, so caress me 

I thought about the evening. We had never done a lot of the things we did tonight. We made out, for real; the memory sent a shiver of delight through me. We had also talked more about changing her. Most importantly, I felt more satisfied with our physical relationship than I had in a long time.

Kiss and control 

Even though the experimenting we had done tonight had been most pleasurable, to say the least, I couldn't help but wonder what happened to my self-control. Perhaps it had been deteriorating ever since I first kissed her. To my surprise, I wasn't terribly angry with myself for being so… adventuresome.

All of our broken hearts 

I looked down on my sleeping angel and brushed a strand of hair out of her face. Sweet Bella…


End file.
